From The Boring to the Bold
by Zarius
Summary: Dangermouse and Penfold return from Hawaii to deal a firm hand to a distressing situation...let's just hope the narrator can hold it together and get us through it (spoilers for "Danger At C Level")


**DANGER MOUSE:**

 **FROM THE BORING TO THE BOLD**

 **WRITTEN BY ZARIUS**

 **Disclaimer: Dangemouse (2015) and all trademarked characters are property of Fremantle Media and CBBC.**

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 **Note: In case you get slightly confused, everything in between the quotes from the characters is meant to be the narrator talking. Cheers. –Zarius**

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London, and as the world's greatest secret agent and his bright and boring sidekick Penfold...

"Boring?"

Bold. Bold, there, you happy?

"Kind of"

Well glad to help then. As I was saying, with his bright and bold sidekick Penfold in tow, Danger Mouse returns from vacation to deal a firm hand to a perplexing issue.

"Feeling better then are you?"

Pardon?

"You know, since you caved in last time we did this"

Yes, yes, Danger Mouse, all better now, ready and willing to knock one out of the (sniff) park...

"I say man, are you crying?"

Yes. Sorry, I (sniff) just have to adjust to the tone of this story

"What tone? We just came off of a riveting adventure in Hawaii, it took us to scorching sandy beaches to the very depths of the ocean, and we even mended a brief bump in that long stretch of road that is the friendship between Penfold and I, what could possibly lower our mood? As the old spy song goes, _we're an all time high_...

I'd best get on with describing the story...you've got Col. K coming in, his mood sombre, his usual demeanour altered from the average routine of suave assertiveness and bravado

"D.M, thank goodness you've come back"

"Approaching headquarters now Colonel, what can I do for you?"

"It's...well...I didn't want to tell you this earlier because your mind needed to focus on the matter of the mission, but...it's Sqauwkencluck DM"

"Squawk?" Danger Mouse (sniff) replied, a sudden jolt of dread coming over him

"Wha...what happened to her?" he asked

"It was those confounded cruel sea creature hybrids...hoards of slimy tentacles, one surprised her in the women's lavatory. Bugger almost drowned her before she found the strength to hit the flusher on all three toilets it was sprouting from"

"Is that all it did to her Colonel?" Danger Mouse asked.

Col. K remained tight-lipped (sniff, I told you this issue needed your firm hand)

"Calm down, I'm on my way"

The car touched down on the solid concrete path and sped towards the mailbox headquarters, home to Dangermouse, Penfold, and a crack team of scientists and other such agents. Including Danger Mackerel, who was steadily doing his best to belly-flop across the farthest reaches of dry land to reach his aquatic abode in the heart of London.

"Why are you focusing on the Mackerel?"

Sorry Penfold, I'm just finding it difficult to focus on this matter, it's sensitive.

"You need to keep your eyes firmly on the narrative, it's up to you to convey what's going on to the audience, if not, you're just going to...well...bore them"

Oh, you mean like you were boring Dangermouse senseless in the previous episode?

"Don't turn all of this on me and my preferences"

Fine, fine, on with the show. For the sake of the readers.

As the car dashed through the entrance tunnel and into the loaded and stunningly well equipped crime lab, Danger Mouse did not even hesitate to dash out of the vehicle without turning the engines off, so urgent was the situation...

"Hang on"

What now?

"That would be quite irresponsible of me to be a reckless driver now wouldn't it?"

Need I remind you and the readers what you did to the city of London in the pilot episode?

"I'm learning lessons as I go, that was one of them. Penfold, turn the ignition off"

"Why chief?" Penfold asked

"Because the narrator has just described me as having jumped out of the car, you're the only one left in the seat"

"Oh right, gotcha" Penfold remarked, and, being a clever little hamster, turned the ignition keys sideways and brought the car to a screeching standstill before it could collide with an array of fragile and highly combustible Blitzer beverages. Laser-guided bottles of bubbly that will light a true fire under any unsuspecting crime Baron's buttocks.

Dangermouse dashed to the ladies lavatory stationed within the base, and...Waited.

And waited.

And waited.

To the point that he needed to nip into the male's lavatory to relieve himself just a tad.

Finally, the door to the lavatory opened and Squawkencluck emerged, rattled, drenched in an unhealthy mix of bog water and the scent of Toilet Duck, desperately trying to distinguish what portions of water were from the toilets or the tears from her eyes.

"Are you...ok, Squawk?" Danger Mouse replied (choke)

"Oh don't you start choking up, I'm the one who got well and truly rattled"

Sorry Professor, I've just never...had to endure subject matter like this...

"What subject matter?" asked Squawkencluck, putting on a brave face, "Nah, I just got a little shaken; I wasn't _stirred_ if that's what you're indicating'"

Danger Mouse put one had over her shoulder, "The Colonel told me you held yourself together pretty well in there...I thought I'd help you take the mind off"

"No offense D.M, but you've always a bit too excitable, even when you're not trying tae be. Sometimes the world can stand to be a little boring"

"Fancy a vanilla cone then?" asked Penfold, dipping into his pockets, "I've got change for some; we can nip on over, all three of us, to a local cafe and get a few scoops"

"Aw, that'd be magic darling'" said Squawkencluck, giving Danger Mouse a rosy peck on his own cheek, "And thanks for actually being a gentleman waiting for me to get sorted out like that, most spies are so hard-wired and hot-headed they dash right through somewhere they have no place being in..."

"Well, I sort of figured the finest sort of fashion in standards is to be old fashioned" said Danger Mouse.

"What do you know? You can be boring after all, come on, let's get an ice cream"

And so...well...actually, hold on, I thought this was going to be a dark little parable about how the job comes with very sensitive risks that leave you feeling vulnerable and prone to depth, and feeling, you know, which allows you to flesh out characters and whatnot...instead I find myself narrating a... _fluff piece about how sometimes life is better when it's boring_?

"Take it up with the author"

Oy, author, try challenging yourself a bit more, it'll give me something to do, leave your safety checks at the door, not just your ego...oh great, now I'm being told to wrap this up. Well fine, I will, but only if I get an ice cream too. Banana ripple. We have to find some transition from the **boring to the bold.**

There. An appropriate title drop. Fin.


End file.
